My mother-in-law has a personality and loves to chatter. Sometimes she obviously does good things, but because of her broken mouth, the good person becomes a bad person in the end. I didn't find it unbearable, she felt it was worthless, for example, every time I thought about my grandma in my hometown buying food and clothing, but she always complained that grandma used to live with her father-in-law instead of looking for three sons who lived in the same village with her, so she was filial to her father-in-law Will refute and eventually evolve into a family war. In the eyes of grandma and father-in-law, mother-in-law has become a filial villain.
There should be many unbearable things,
For example, if your husband flirts with you, and she flirts with her face, in a word, can you continue to be happy as if nothing happened?
For example, if you didn't wake up in the morning, she knocked on the door and came to your bedside, and asked you to get up for dinner, saying that everyone had finished eating, but you didn't get up… When you opened your eyes and saw his face, would you feel extremely uncomfortable?
After you give birth to breastfeed your baby, she next to her asks if the milk is enough, if you don’t have enough milk, does she have milk to help you feed the baby?
For example, if the child is crying and you are in a hurry to change the diaper, she looks like there is nothing wrong with her and looks at her with her hands and says you slow down. Think about how you feel
Think of another thing,
Since ancient times, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have been the issue of family relations. Why do mother-in-law and daughter-in-law always have disputes in a family? What causes the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to deteriorate? When the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law intensifies, it may lead to family disharmony. It is often heard that couples divorce. This article professional psychologist analyzes the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Complaints such as "my mother-in-law always interferes with my housework and how to discipline my children", "I am a daughter-in-law, do you think she hates me" and other complaints are heard in the whispers of life. It is a value, and friction will arise because of it. The problem between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that most people can predict the situation, but why do conflicts still occur?
In the dispute between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the situation is that the mother-in-law will teach and demonstrate how to take care of the family, and hopes that the daughter-in-law can follow the "way" to take care of the family, but modern women have their own ideas and opinions, which are their own original family values, and want their own methods Try and create a family model that belongs to your own, so friction will arise. When either of the two parties insists on their own views and is willing to compromise, the conflict will explode at the touch of a button.
Yang Ruiyu, a psychologist at the United Psychological Consultation Institute, explained that the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law involves the distribution of family power structure. The so-called power structure refers to a family where the father or mother dominates family affairs. How, long-term running-in, will reach the state, so the appearance of a daughter-in-law will often destroy the original state, and the mother-in-law will bear the brunt of the impact. Psychologist Yang Ruiyu explained that because of the division of family affairs, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will face many trivial things in life, such as doing housework and cooking. Disagreement is bound to arise between the two when there are differences of opinion on how to deal with it.
The mother-in-law hopes that the daughter-in-law will continue to take care of the family by herself, because this is a well-established custom and tradition that is suitable for this family. Therefore, the daughter-in-law has tried and practiced and denied the mother-in-law's past efforts to maintain the family. Daughter-in-law, having her own living habits and ways, and having family members contribute ideas, will add elements to the family, which is a good thing in the first place. However, when the two generations live in comparison, they have to make choices about who should listen to them, and who has the final decision-making power, often resulting in power struggles.
Different from the traditional concept in the past, the daughter-in-law in the past always endured her feelings and wronged herself to adapt to her husband’s family. However, modern women generally have a sense of autonomy and hope to build a family that belongs to themselves and their husband. Therefore, they will not completely accept the advice of their mother-in-law. Being valued, coupled with the attitude and behavior of a certain party, will accelerate the deterioration of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Generally speaking, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems can be divided into the following 5 reasons.
1. Family affairs In traditional society, women are responsible for most of the housework. Dealing with trivial matters in life symbolizes the field of female power. Therefore, when a daughter-in-law has her own opinion, it is like challenging the power of her mother-in-law, and conflicts occur.
2 Raising children to elders loving grandchildren affects parents to discipline their children. Psychologist Yang Ruiyu pointed out that having a mother-in-law mentality is to make up for the past, neglecting to take care of the family because of work, so when retirement has enough time and energy, I will hope to take care of my grandchildren. However, it will cause trouble for the daughter-in-law to teach the children.
3 Living habits Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law come from the family environment, lifestyle and work and rest, which will lead to quarrels between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. For example, eating habits, cooking methods and salty tastes will cause disputes due to differences in eating habits.
4 Concepts Cultural background and age differences create values. Therefore, family members have customary values. The key point is whether they can accept differences and have their own concepts, rather than requiring all family members to have their own concepts. More mother-in-laws have opinions and will habitually expect their family members to refer to and cooperate with them. When the daughter-in-law has opinions, she will often fight whether she can maintain her own values, which will lead to conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
5 Psychological level Psychologist Yang Ruiyu said that whether it is a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law, negative people will misinterpret other people's words or behaviors because of their mentality. Thinking of yourself or looking down on you, when the inferiority complex spreads, you act rationally, persist and persist, making it impossible to discuss things objectively.
Many quarrels between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may be caused by quarrels, but will they evolve into out-of-control family problems? Psychologist Yang Ruiyu pointed out that people will rationalize their behavior, exaggerate, exaggerate the facts and distort the actual situation, and make excuses by themselves, in order to seek support and comfort from others. In the face of various problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the way to deal with them is understanding and compassionate. Psychologist Yang Ruiyu reminded to try to understand the factors behind the other party's actions and thoughts. The other party's expectation, coupled with their own habits, will make the final appearance not what the other party expected. When thinking about this level, understanding and understanding will make many confrontations and persistence necessary, and can resolve the crisis of conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Daughter-in-law's Feelings" Why does my mother-in-law cook my favorite food? The mother-in-law asked about the health and well-being, and I told the family affairs that I didn't care at all, and my attitude towards my son and daughter-in-law was very different…
Mother-in-law's voice"Everyone's eating habits. For the mother-in-law, she will choose the ingredients she is good at or the cooking method she thinks is delicious, such as braised or steamed fish dishes. . In addition, the mother-in-law is not as good as getting along with the son day and night. Sometimes the mother-in-law just knows how to express her concern, or she is afraid that asking too much will cause a burden to the daughter-in-law, so the mother-in-law behaves introverted and passive.
Further reading…
What behaviors of your mother-in-law make you unbearable?
New daughter-in-law doesn’t have to be afraid to teach you 3 tricks to please her mother-in-law
The solution.” Psychologist Yang Ruiyu explained that the daughter-in-law can remind her mother-in-law to change the dishes in a tactful way, such as “Mother-in-law’s cooking is delicious! I want to eat ○○ dishes, is that okay?” In addition to affirming the mother-in-law, it will increase the opportunity to thank the mother-in-law next time. Facing the mother-in-law who is good at expressing emotions, the daughter-in-law can take the initiative to care about her mother-in-law, and she is acting like a baby to narrow the distance between her mother-in-law.
Daughter-in-law's feelings" Mother-in-law's body, shouting knees, back pain, she wants to take mother-in-law to see a doctor, she is willing, facing mother-in-law's frequent sudden illness, causing daughter-in-law to be physically and mentally exhausted…
Psychologist Yang Ruiyu pointed out that some elders attract the attention of their children, and they will pretend to be pitiful and wronged to gain care. This type of mother-in-law family is weak, because they are worried that they will be ignored, so they will use physical conditions to get others’ attention. The purpose is to hope Care about taking care of.
Solution" The mother-in-law's physical illness is an excuse to attract attention, which will cause a burden to the children. When the children choose to respond, the mother-in-law will feel exaggerated. Express the words "elders, children are blessed".
In Chinese society, the intergenerational relationship is not the same. The so-called intergenerational relationship refers to the relationship between two generations. It generally refers to the relationship between the elderly and young people, and the relationship between parents and children. Created by husband and wife, plus children, so when the child gets married, his wife should create his family together. The mother-in-law must have the concept of children starting a family, the child can care but not interfere, and let the child have the right to make decisions. Let children try, learn and grow through stumbles. Psychologist Yang Ruiyu reminded that if the mother-in-law has her own space and leisure, she will not get too involved in the life of the child, and she should live happily, enjoy life and enrich herself.
If the daughter-in-law thinks that she is young and her mother-in-law has the ability to learn in terms of knowledge and flexibility, she should use these advantages and use the right methods to affirm and understand her mother-in-law, such as seeing each other's tricks, asking for warmth, and comparing her heart with others. Deal with it in an amicable way, even if the conflict can be restored after the conflict, let the mother-in-law know that you care and care about her, psychologist Yang Ruiyu explained, adjust the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, express your feelings to let the elders know, be more understanding and able to appreciate each other's intentions.
Girls come every month during their menstrual period, and the body will experience it. Recently, a wife said that she came into the room to rest because of her menstrual period. The mother-in-law and her husband said, "Your wife thinks she is a bride?"
The original PO recently posted on the Facebook group "Poisonous Nine Mothers-in-law and Daughters-in-Law Discussion Forum", "I went back to my in-law's house once on the first day of my menstrual period. After eating, I felt that people went to the room to rest." The husband said in the living room of the mother-in-law, "Your wife treats herself as a Bride? What are you doing hiding in the room?" Her husband helped her explain the reason, and the mother-in-law opened her mouth, "What's the use of pretending to bleed?"
Further reading…
Yuan PO said, "I went back to my in-law's house a few days later, and my mother-in-law and I were left. My mother-in-law told me that her teeth were so painful that she was bleeding. I could only reply to her lightly: What's the use of pretending to bleed?! Turn around and go back to the room, my wife. "The original PO mark wrote, "Listen to mother-in-law", "What mother-in-law says and how daughter-in-law learns", "If you want others to treat you well, learn to treat others well".
Someone suggested, "My mother-in-law speaks badly. If you want to push it back like this, reduce conflicts at home every day and don't talk to her. Although it is a negative behavior, there is no way, because when something good happens in the family, the mother-in-law says it is the daughter-in-law. For example : The washing machine is out of order, the vacuum cleaner is not strong enough, and I put my own things away. It’s unreasonable enough, and it’s a headache.”
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My friend Xiaojie got married and had the experience of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and some got married and went through the stage of confinement. Xiaojie heard friends say confinement feuds for a lifetime and so on. At that time, she felt that her friends were exaggerating and making a fuss out of a molehill.
But after Xiaojie experienced pregnancy and childbirth, she deeply understood at this time that feuds during confinement can be remembered for a lifetime. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are acquaintances, because the same person came together. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a very important relationship. If the mother-in-law does not want to have confinement feuds, the daughter-in-law should avoid these 3 behaviors during confinement, which will be hated by others.
Women need to eat and drink well after giving birth, and nutrition can help the body restore milk secretion. Although it is necessary to eat, it is hard to make up for it. Many mothers-in-law and daughter-in-law are serving big fish and meat every day during confinement. Sometimes the daughter-in-law wants to have a cup of porridge, and the mother-in-law blames her daughter-in-law. There are mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who care about cooking during the confinement period and are reluctant to spend money. The meals they cook are not like postpartum mothers. The confinement is originally the time for the daughter-in-law. If it is this time for the mother-in-law and mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law will be very angry.